Lump on! Lump on! I'm Russian to the bookies!

I'm so excited, and I just can't hide it........

I'm about to lose control and I think I like it....................

It's here! The new season is finally upon us and despite all the negative shite I have read in the papers over the summer I'm actually feeling pretty positive going into the new campaign.

Let me tell you something. I'm so happy to see Tomas Rosicky back on the field and wearing the red and white of our proud club. The geezer is a class act and there is no doubt in my mind that we have missed him during his 183 year absence.

If he can keep fit then he will become a huge player for Arsenal this season. Imagine Rosicky, Nasri, Cesc, Arshavin and Eboue (he is a pass-master you know!) spraying the ball round the park this year!

Flipping heck, the opposition will be more dizzier than Vic Reeves.

I have to say this about Arshavin. Apart from having one of the best names in football, after Arsene Wenger, I reckon Arshavin will be immense this season. Remember when Dennis Bergkamp had that inspired 1997/98 campaign? That's the impact I believe our pocket-sized Russian will have on Arsenal.

And remember, its not the size that counts, its the motion in the ocean or what you do with it. Apparently.

I'm getting down the bookies and lumping on the Russian being voted player of the season. And not just at Arsenal. I reckon he will be crowned the best in the Premiership. By everyone. Including my cat.

We saw his talent last year and he hadn't even settled down properly then. Imagine what he will be like after acclimatising to the Premiership and having a proper pre-season at Arsenal? I think I've just pissed myself thinking about it.

Now I may suffer from incontinence but Arshavin doesn't suffer from being incompetent so that backs me up. Have I lost you? I've lost myself. One thing I haven't lost though is my viginity.......Erm, I mean my view that Arshavin is ready to rip the Premiership a new arsehole.

I fancy Arshavin (not in that way!) to finish his career at Arsenal and become a legend at the club. He says the right things, he does the right things and we've seen how loyal he is to a club. He was at his former club for a very long time and that impressed me. He showed loyalty.

Loyalty. A nice word to use. Unfortunately some players don't know the meaning of the word. Adebayor for instance. Yes I know its boring. I'm on the Adebayor hating band-wagon but I've read he wants a loyalty bonus from us.

Fuck your loyalty bonus Ade. You fucked that up when you and your agent whored yourself around Europe last summer. You were even at this summer when you were on your way to Manchester City. What a whore.

Do the right thing and wave the bonus away or if you are so bothered about your precious image in Africa then if you do receive it, give it away to those who need it in Africa. That way your precious image is kept.

Sorry for the rant at the end!

Keep it Goonerish.................