Dear Mr Hernandez,
Can I call you Xavi? Or, as Del Boy from Only Fools and Horses or Gypsies would say, can I call you Chavvy?
Let me begin by saying that I think you are a marvellous footballer. I love to watch players like yourself play the game. At times its like watching my mate Phil play Fifa 2003 on Playstation 2 and he was well good at that game.
In the past I've heard you mention a lot about DNA. So much so, I thought you were a part-time genetic scientist or something during your spare time after training. You have mentioned Cesc Fabregas' FC Barcelona DNA loads. I only have normal DNA but I wish I had Arsenal DNA. That would be sooooo cool.
Recently Chavvy you have said quite a lot of naughty things and at times I think you are a nasty man but then I remember you have FC Barcelona DNA too and when people with that get older sometimes they have a mutation of the mind and it makes them go crazy. Well, that's what my teacher told me in Biology years ago.
I didn't know that you were a psychic either. But you aren't very good at that though are you Chavvy?! I remember reading this just before I went on holiday last summer and I thought 'Wow, this man is a scientist AND a psychic'.
You said that Cesc might join you at Barcelona in January when Arsenal are out of the title race and that the Gunners are just not competitive. You were wrong! What happened? Did your crystal ball break?
Not only are Arsenal still in the title race and in the running for four trophies, we are proving to be very competitive indeed. So competitive in fact we have just beaten YOUR team in the Champions League. I really, really, really hope you kept the receipt for that crystal ball Chavvy.
I'm not going to be arrogant like you Chavvy. I know that it will be a very hard game in Barcelona and we will have to do very well to knock you out but my advice to you would be to show a little humanity and a little less of the cockiness because it can bite you on the arse.
Keep It Goonerish..........