Tuesday, 22 February 2011

Tony Pulis Set To Unleash The Kraken!

I'm slightly perturbed by Tony Pulis. In fact, I'm a little more than freaked out.

Usually the man takes every chance possible in his stinking existence to have a pop at Arsenal. Today he kind of gives us a little gee-up.

To say I'm surprised is an understatement and I've come to the conclusion that he has either taken a whack on his head or he has fallen out with his posse.

Alex Ferguson, Phil Brown and Sam Allardyce will be disgusted and sickened that Pulis has given Arsenal a compliment.

I wouldn't be shocked in the slightest if they threw him out of their gang forever. He has some serious sucking up to do.

Rule Number One in their crew is to hate and try to dig out Arsenal or Arsene Wenger at every opportunity given.

What the Stoke City manager has said in the link above is blasphemy of the worst kind. The 'c-word' has nothing on this.

I expect a Tony Pulis backlash after the game tomorrow night.

Fergie would have been on the phone and will demand an apology of biblical proportions.

Not only that, he will want Pulis to pull out the big guns and verbally, if not physically, attack Arsenal in the most outrageous way ever.

In the next 48 hours I predict that Tony Pulis will unleash the Kraken of all slagging offs. And even Perseus will be shocked by it.

Keep It Goonerish........

Monday, 21 February 2011

I'm Manuel Almunia...Get Me Out Of Here!

Poor old Manuel Almunia really looks like he has had enough doesn't he?

He looks about as interested in playing for Arsenal as Elton John would be in a threesome with Megan Fox and Cheryl Cole and about as nervous as a virgin in the same situation.

To be fair who could blame him?

The Spaniard has never been a favourite with Gooners but even the most battle-hardened Almunia hater would admit that he was badly treated by Arsenal last summer.

Essentially he was hung out to dry, like my delicates, by a very public Arsenal chase for Fulham 'keeper Mark Schwarzer.

How Wenger could ever have expected Almunia to be at his best (no matter how bad that is) after being undermined like this I will never know.

Manuel has been like a dead-man walking ever since. I've seen more life in a tramps vest.

Arsene wanted a new number one and that was more obvious than Peter Crouch at a midget convention. He should have let Almunia go then.

Instead we have a keeper licking his wounds, someone who doesn't want to be here.

Despite Gooners reservations over him, he didn't need deserve this treatment because by all accounts Manuel Almunia is a nice guy.

He should have been allowed a dignified exit.

Keep It Goonerish..............

Sunday, 20 February 2011

Well Played Leyton Orient. That's The Magic Of The FA Cup!

Why am I not pissed off?

We have just drawn against a side that are two divisions below us and I am not the slightest bit annoyed.

In fact, and this is a proper fact, I was more annoyed when I rolled in dogs shit during my Sunday league match earlier than when Leyton Orient equalised.

Maybe the romantic side has come out in me. The romance of the FA Cup has a lot to answer for.

What a result for Leyton Orient. They get a replay out of us and earn a few more quid too.

Who really can begrudge them that? I know I can't.

The FA Cup can be more magical than David Blaine at times and today was a perfect example.

This will mean everything to everyone associated with Leyton Orient FC, and you can tell how much it meant to them at the final whistle.

How often will these players get the chance to play at a ground like the Emirates?

How often will the Orient fans get the chance to watch their team at a ground like the Emirates?

That's why the FA Cup is special.

Well done Leyton Orient. You deserve all the credit you get.

Keep It Goonerish...........

Saturday, 19 February 2011

Arshavin's Goal Was Better Than Rooney's

I'm not taking anything away from Wayne Rooney here. His goal (despite flying in off his shin) against Manchester City was a marvellous one.

Sky Sports certainly thought it was. Since the goal I must have seen it replayed more times than Rooney has banged call girls.

However, despite the media having a gangbang over it, I still think that Andrei Arshavin's one against Barcelona the other night was better.

Call me biased, call me a twat, I don't care. As Paul Merson would say, Arshavin's goal was a 'worldy'.

I've heard that Rooney's was special because it happened in the Manchester derby. The most important derby since 1345. Well, given the circumstances, I agree with that. It was special.

The game was neck and neck, mano el mano and needed something out of the ordinary to win the game. Rooney provided the finish and United won. Well done.

I'd argue that Arsenal's second against Barcelona was more important and the game far more bigger than the Manchester derby though.

According to most people this Barcelona side are the greatest team on planet Earth. Some even say that they are the greatest team in the universe. Ever.

Like others I really rate this Barca team too and I have to say that their gaffer, Pep Guardiola, is a wonder. In fact, I'd love him to take over us when Arsene Wenger leaves the club.

Because of all this it was vital that we took something to the Camp Nou and because of our fantastic winner we will do.

The way we took Barcelona apart to score that goal was nothing short of magical. We cut them open more than a surgeon performing a heart bypass.

The ITV commentator (a right tool) said it was a Barcelona goal scored by Arsenal. Wrong. It was an Arsenal goal scored by Arsenal and not only that, it was better than Rooney's.

The importance of it is unrivalled, the execution was more deadly than Saddam Hussein's, and the whole build-up and finish didn't rely on one ounce of fortune.

It was football, and Arsenal, at its purest.

Had it come from Barcelona or, dare I say, Manchester United, people would have gone into a orgasm frenzy of epic proportions.

Rooney's strike, albeit brilliant, could have ended up on planet Mars. It didn't and was a great goal.

Arshavin's goal, at the end of a move tearing the best team in the world a new arsehole, was better. Much better.

Keep It Goonerish............

Thursday, 17 February 2011

An Open Letter To Xavier Hernández:

Dear Mr Hernandez,

Can I call you Xavi? Or, as Del Boy from Only Fools and Horses or Gypsies would say, can I call you Chavvy?

Let me begin by saying that I think you are a marvellous footballer. I love to watch players like yourself play the game. At times its like watching my mate Phil play Fifa 2003 on Playstation 2 and he was well good at that game.

In the past I've heard you mention a lot about DNA. So much so, I thought you were a part-time genetic scientist or something during your spare time after training. You have mentioned Cesc Fabregas' FC Barcelona DNA loads. I only have normal DNA but I wish I had Arsenal DNA. That would be sooooo cool.

Recently Chavvy you have said quite a lot of naughty things and at times I think you are a nasty man but then I remember you have FC Barcelona DNA too and when people with that get older sometimes they have a mutation of the mind and it makes them go crazy. Well, that's what my teacher told me in Biology years ago.

I didn't know that you were a psychic either. But you aren't very good at that though are you Chavvy?! I remember reading this just before I went on holiday last summer and I thought 'Wow, this man is a scientist AND a psychic'.

You said that Cesc might join you at Barcelona in January when Arsenal are out of the title race and that the Gunners are just not competitive. You were wrong! What happened? Did your crystal ball break?

Not only are Arsenal still in the title race and in the running for four trophies, we are proving to be very competitive indeed. So competitive in fact we have just beaten YOUR team in the Champions League. I really, really, really hope you kept the receipt for that crystal ball Chavvy.

I'm not going to be arrogant like you Chavvy. I know that it will be a very hard game in Barcelona and we will have to do very well to knock you out but my advice to you would be to show a little humanity and a little less of the cockiness because it can bite you on the arse.



Keep It Goonerish..........

Arsenal Midfielder Jack Wilshere Agrees To Join Barcelona In Summer - Report

Jack Wilshere has agreed to leave Arsenal for Barcelona and will move to the Camp Nou in the Summer.

The Daily Bullshit claims that the England international will wear the famous red and blue next season after agreeing a deal with the Catalan giants.

The 19-year old will be given the number 4 jersey and is expected to pen a long-term contract until 2025.

The only sticking point in the deal is Arsenal's reluctance to sanction the transfer. However this will not stop the move from happening because FC Barcelona are the masters of the universe.

Barcelona midfielder Xavi, best known as 'el gallo' (the cock) spoke to the Daily Bullshit after the 2-1 defeat against Arsenal;

"Wilshere is part of Barcelona's DNA.

He would adapt perfectly to the club and the team. He is a fantastic player.

His Father bought him a FC Barca keyring in 2001 during a family holiday to Spain. It is his destiny to play with us.

We are pleased he is coming, Arsenal can't hold him against his will for much longer."

Keep It Goonerish..........

Tuesday, 1 February 2011

Could You Do To Gooners What Andy Carroll Has Done To The Toon Army?

Some footballers can really sicken me. Even more so than a bottle of cheeky Tequila.

I cannot believe the transfer of Andy Carroll from Newcastle United to Liverpool. It really confuses me.

The fee is as unreal as Pamela Anderson's bangers. Seriously do you think that Andy Carroll is worth the reported fee of £35m?!

Carroll is a good player, maybe worth a punt at £12-15m but not what Liverpool have paid for him.

This is a player with no Champions League experience, less than a years worth of Premier league experience and one England cap to his name.

If Carroll is worth that, then how much is Nicklas Bendtner, a player slated all the time, worth?

In my opinion the football world has gone ab-so-lutely ga ga. Lady Gaga has nothing on the money spent by these clubs.

Of course Andy Carroll is full of potential, potential being the key word here, and the fee Liverpool paid for him is not his problem. But while the the transfer fee itself makes me dizzy, the fact that Carroll put in a transfer request pisses me off.

If someone like Andy Carroll puts in a transfer request then what hope is there for loyalty in the game?

Carroll is a player who support(s)ed Newcastle United and apparently dreamed of wearing the number 9 shirt with the club. He achieved that. He also signed a five-year-deal with the Toon in November and wanted to stay with the club forever.

Andy would have had the world at his feet whenever he stepped out into the city of Newcastle and would have been treated like a God. They love a local lad up there, especially one wearing the number 9 shirt.

So why hand in a transfer request?

Carroll is now saying that he was forced out of Newcastle. I'm sorry but I don't buy that. Nobody 'forced' him to request a transfer. He could have just said I don't want to leave and that is that.

If I played for Arsenal and was as loved by Gooners as much as Carroll was by Geordie's I would never leave the club. I wouldn't dream of it.

In fact, not even a loaded gun pointed to my head and the threat of being forced to watch Harry Redknapp interviews all day would force me.

Here we have a player who has fulfilled every Newcastle United supporting fans dreams and now let them down. Could you do to Gooners what he has done to the Toon Army?

There is not a lot of loyalty left in the game today. Every player is motivated by money and I think that the days of one-club-players have gone and won't be back.

And that is a sad situation.

Keep It Goonerish.............