Monday, 31 October 2011

Gooners = United (But For How Long?)

What a Van-tastic weekend!

Smashing Chelsea easier than a plate was absolutely brilliant.

I am still buzzing more than a Bumble bee high on speed and its not only the result that made me that way.

Scrolling round the Arsenal interweb since the Stamford Bridge massacre I have found that Gooners seem to be really, really happy.

So much so, we even appear to be getting along!

Now, for me, this is one of the best things that could have happened since the invention of pornography.

These days I am so used to seeing Gooners being as divided as a mathematicians dream come true that it shocked me to see fans united.

The terms AKB's, D&G's. ABC's and whatever else Arsenal supporters can be labelled with went out the window.

For the time being the bickering has disappeared like a David Copperfield illusion and hopefully it can remain that way for a long time.

Seeing the disharmony develop amongst Gooners in recent times has been John Terryble to witness.

There have been arguments, blatant disregard, cussing, and at times no respect shown whatsoever between fellow Arsenal fans.

This saddens me as much as suffering from SAD so to view a little bit of that spilt being closed by a deserved victory over Chelsea makes me happy.

I am not that naive to know that people can't always get on well. There will always be a difference of opinion and I'm fine if that is portrayed in the right way.

But perhaps now we can move in the right direction.

We all want what is best for Arsenal Football Club, our club, and Gooners uniting will become a huge stepping stone for good things to happen.

I've loved seeing the happiness spread faster than Wayne Rooney smearing chocolate sauce all over a sprawling naked OAP's body amongst us this weekend.

And I would love it even more if this feel-good factor could remain. For ever.

I can dream can't I?

Keep It Goonerish....

Saturday, 22 October 2011

Charlie Nicholas Puts Most Other Ex-Arsenal Pundits To Shame

There have been many times when I have blasted ex-Arsenal players, that have become TV and newspaper pundits, who continue to knock Arsenal when we are down.

These 'experts' claim to love the club yet jump on a bandwagon that has gained more pace than Frank Lampard chasing an ice-cream van down a hill.

Its easy to follow the herd and repeat what a lot of others say when you don't have a brain or your own opinion.

Paul Merson is the greatest example in recent years. He contradicts himself left, right and centre.

One minute he says Arsenal need to spend money, and when they do, he says its panic buying. Indeed.

Merson, like a lot of other ex-Arsenal players who have to turned to punditry, says he only wants what is best for the club and that he love the Gunners with all his heart.

Bollocks. It is more fashionable than Gok Wan with a mullet to have a pop at Arsenal at the minute and easier than shagging Lindsay Lohen to do so.

When people have a go at Arsenal it makes my blood boil hotter than a kettle could.

I can keep my cool if the argument or criticism against the club is justified.

But when it is apparent that person is so anti-Arsenal, for whatever reason, it drives me insane in the membrane.

That's why Charlie Nicholas is like a breath of fresh in the world of these TV 'experts' and has been for a long time.

Charlie needs a gee-up because you just know that he genuinely loves Arsenal.

When criticism of Arsenal is needed he will criticise. But he does it more fairly than the football TV rights in Spain.

What I like most about him though is that he defends the club better the famous back-five of Seaman, Dixon, Bould, Adams and Winterburn.

During his job on Sky Sports, with other pundits, if Arsenal are knocked, then watch the way Nicholas sticks up for the club.

It is lovely to watch and I only wished that the other ex-Arsenal pundits took a leaf from his book.

Maybe then I wouldn't dislike most of them them the way I do. It hurts to say I don't like ex-players of the club. The same people I used to idolise.

Keep it up Charlie Nicholas. You go up in my estimation all the time.

Keep It Goonerish..........

Tuesday, 18 October 2011

Fabregas' Shadow Looms Over Arteta

When Cesc Fabregas left us to follow his dream people asked how can you replace him?

No word of a lie, the truth is you can not replace someone like Cesc. He is irreplaceable.

As soon as Mikel Arteta signed for Arsenal it was proclaimed that he would be the man to fill our former skippers boots. And become Tomas Rosicky's new shower buddy.

That is not fair.

Mikel Arteta is Mikel Arteta. Not Cesc Fabregas. Not Fabregas Lite. And he is certainly not a vampire.

The comparisons need to stop because how can Arteta thrive at Arsenal with Cesc's shadow looming over him?

In time Mikel will settle into life with the club. He already looks comfortable in the team and will only get better.

Taking a pay-cut shows how much Arteta wanted to join us. Well that, and the shot-gun Pat Rice was pointing at his head.

He was desperate to play for Arsenal.

That alone makes me believe we should give him room to stamp his own authority on the pitch and not become Cesc 2.

I was very excited when Sky Sports announced that Arteta had beaten the transfer dead-line by 2.9 seconds to sign for Arsenal.

In fact, I was nearly as excited as the time I saw Rihanna posing topless on a tractor in a field.

I think he is that good and I hope that in the future people will stop the Cesc comparisons because he is his own man.

Keep It Goonerish....

Monday, 17 October 2011

Theo Walcott Needs A Fresh Challenge

I look at Theo Walcott and I see a frustrated figure.

To me, he is in danger of becoming as stale as the loaf of bread that's been in my bread bin since 2007. Though he isn't as mouldy.

At the moment Theo doesn't look like he is enjoying his football.

His body language is worse than my French and his face looks like a smacked arse.

Walcott needs a new challenge. Bad.

Not necessarily one away from Arsenal as I have seen written on some websites, but a new one with us.

On the wing he needs to use his footballing brain. Many have said that he lacks one of those though and that the Scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz has more savvy.

I'm sure Chris Waddle has had a pop at Theo in the past saying 'he doesn't understand the game'.

To be fair I can't understand what Waddle says full-stop and how a man who had the dodgiest hair-cut of all time can say anything I don't know.

So piss off Waddle.

The notion that Walcott has no brain is unfair because I know for a fact that he must have at least 1 brain-cell.

After all, he goes out with Melanie Slade who is an absolute winner.

Walcott is all about instinct. He needs to act and do things without thinking.

Not because he thick, but that is just the player he is.

That's why he needs to be in the box. On the end of things and not trying to create stuff because it usually ends in frustration. Or row Z.

We will see the best of Theo when he plays upfront, getting in behind defences and finishing moves off.

It can be said that Walcott finishes better than Ron Jeremy in a porn-film. I'd like to see him given that chance more often.

His pace would scare the shit out of defenders. Honestly they would resort to wearing nappies.

That should be Theo's new challenge. Not making defenders mess themselves, but playing upfront.

Its down to Arsene Wenger and I'm sure he is just waiting for the right time to move Theo up alongside Robin van Persie.

For me that time needs to be sooner rather than later or Walcott might stagnate.

Keep It Goonerish........

Wednesday, 12 October 2011

Drogba Is A Gooner. Would You Take Him?

I have read in the past that Didier Drogba is an Arsenal fan and I am 99.6% sure that I saw him supping on a pint of Guinness in The Gunners Pub way back in 1999 before a home game against Everton.

Now my judgement that day may have been cloudy due to the 3 bottles of lemon Hooch (remember Hooch?) I drank before entering that superb venue, but I am positive he was joining in on a chorus of '1-0 to the Arsenal'.

That for me says enough about the man to suggest he is a Gooner and to see an Arsenal man wearing the red and white of the club would be a fantastic sight.

We appear to have several Arsenal supporters in the actual squad these days. Emmanuel Frimpong and Jack Wilshere are the biggest fans and I am sure that they would welcome Didier Drogba to the club with open arms.

This would mainly be due to the fact that Drogba would no longer be able to score against us or even more so because he is a fucking great lump who, despite diving as bad as Jurgen Klinsmann from time to time, looks like one hard bastard.

Arsene Wenger has admitted in the past that he admires Drogba as much as he admires the Musée des Beaux-Arts de Strasbourg. Which incidentally, is an art museum in his home town of Strasbourg. And the Chelski man is indeed a work of art.

Wenger missed out on signing Drogba when the player was at Le Mans in France for £100,000. Rumours were that he told Le Mans £47,874 and a Firestick Peperami was his final offer and we lost the deal.

Well that can be redeemed within the next few months. Drogba is in the final year of his contract with Chelski and, despite being 67 years of age, I am sure he could still do a massive job for us.

We need another striker and someone with the quality of the Ivorian man of steel would still be a fantastic asset to the club.

As I have said, age may well be against Didier.

But the man can still cut it at the top level of English football and I think if he doesn't agree a new deal with our West London neighbours of Russian descent, then he would be available at a cut-down price or a free transfer.

It could well be the time to make Drogba's dreams come true in putting on the Arsenal shirt and I would take him faster than Usain Bolt running for his pre-race meal of Chicken Nuggets.

Keep It Goonerish..........

Tuesday, 11 October 2011

I Hope Henri Makes It At Arsenal

After Thierry Henry a man with the name Henri will always get my backing to well at the Arsenal.

Not only that, a local boy like Henri Lansbury will get my backing even more than trap 4 in the 12:17 at Crayford dogs.

Lansbury hasn't had many first-team chances at Arsenal.

In fact, he has been loaned out more the dirty magazines I found under my brothers bed when I was 13.

But I hope he has a future with the club. Turning 21 years old tomorrow he certainly has time on his side.

I wish I was 21 again....

Lansbury has been at the club since he was a schoolboy in 1999. I even heard he was a Gooner. So one thing is for certain, he loves the Arsenal.

Every time I've seen him play I have been impressed. Especially since he scored on his full-debut for us against S*urs.

For the England u21's he looks a very decent prospect. I'd go as far as saying I'd rather have him than £16-20m Jordan Henderson.

And that is no joke.

Henri has had some bad hair-cuts in his time but I'll put that down youthful exuberance or just the fact that he let Tomas Rosicky cut it for him.

But I won't hold that against him. He's sorted it out now.

When he returns after his latest loan period away from the club I'd like him to be given the chance to be part of the match-day squad more often.

I think he is good enough to establish himself as squad player.

Especially if Denilson played nearly 100 times for the club.

Keep It Goonerish.....

Sunday, 9 October 2011

Robin van Persie Owes Arsenal

If Robin van Persie doesn't sign a new contract at Arsenal in the next few months, the rumours that he is leaving will be off the Richter Scale.

Any theory that made Dinosaurs extinct will have nothing on this.

Robin's reluctance to agree to a new deal is apparently linked to what Arsene Wenger does in the January transfer window.

I can understand him wanting to see Arsenal ambitions in the transfer-market before he commits his long-term future to us but he owes Arsenal.

He has been at the club since 2004 and I can count on one hand the amount of appearances he has made.

I suppose it is not van Persie's fault that his body is made of glass but it's fair to say he has spent a huge amount of time in the treatment room being put back together.

We've stuck by him through every tear, break and reconfiguration of his body parts and I think the least he could do is repay back the club by signing a new deal.

If Robin signs a new contract it will be a huge boost for the club amid all the negativity being thrown at us in recent times.

Not only that it gives Arsenal the added protection of knowing we will get a decent transfer fee if he decided to leave in the future.

It's clear that Robin loves Arsenal, and even clearer that Gooners love him too.

He is our best player by miles.

If he left then I really believe I will lose the plot and end up dribbling in the corner of my room whilst sucking my thumb singing and clapping to 'Robin van Persie, clap, clap etc'.

I owe my Dad a fiver but our new skipper owes it to Arsenal to sign a new deal.

Most clubs wouldn't give a player his own treatment-table or as many chances as we have given to van Persie.

Wenger has turned him into a genuine world-class player (when fit) and that faith in him should be returned back to the club by him showing his faith in Arsenal.

Keep It Goonerish......

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Clive Allen Should Look In The Mirror

Before calling Arsene Wenger 'Two-Bob' perhaps Clive Allen should take a long good look in the mirror.

Mind you, I don't think there is a mirror out there powerful enough to withhold his ugly mug for longer than a second.

If Clive Allen was dignified in victory then maybe Wenger would have shook his hand in the aftermath of our defeat against the Spuds.

Instead, Allen had the look of a deranged lunatic intent on winding up Arsene and then acted like a petulant teenager when ignored.

In Harry Redknapp our gaffer shook hands with the most important person he needed too. He didn't need to shake anybody else's.

Like many others Clive Allen is trying to paint Wenger as a sore loser here and believes he was in the right.

In fact, Allen was more out of order than the condom machine down my local and was just stirring up the situation.

We all know that Arsene Wenger can be a bad loser but this was just kicking a man when he is down.

Allen tried to play on this and by calling Wenger 'Two-Bob' he has made himself look like a stupid little brat.

If the shoe was on the other foot and Arsenal had won, would Allen have chased Wenger from the bench to the tunnel like some lovesick stalker?

And did Harry Redknapp shake hands with all the Arsenal backroom staff?

I didn't see Vic Akers running after Redknapp waving Gervinho's dirty sock at his face because he didn't shake his hand.

Perhaps Allen holds a grudge against Arsenal.

After all, we did buy him and then sell him two months later because his body odour destroyed all the arm-pits of the Arsenal training kits.

Or perhaps Allen wanted to thank Arsenal for his fantastic career at the club and believed the only way to show this was by shaking Wenger's hand.

Whatever the case he has made himself look like a goading infant and would go a long way by apologising to Wenger because he showed him a complete lack of respect.

Keep It Goonerish......